Done Waiting
Reclaiming My Body and My Life
I caught myself spiraling about my body last week. And it made me realize something big.
The other day, I picked up one of my favorite books, Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, and unintentionally flipped right to the chapter called “Joyous Body.” I only read a few pages, but wow—it hit me hard. Because lately, I’ve been struggling with something I thought I’d already worked through. Body love.
Mike and I are heading to Bermuda soon for a work trip with about ten other couples. And instead of feeling excited, I found myself spiraling about my body. The thought of being in a swimsuit or a sundress around all these people I don’t know? It sent me straight into panic mode.
So much so that I told Mike, “I think I’m going to get something done about my cellulite,” and without missing a beat, I booked a consultation with a plastic surgeon.
I later canceled it. But what shook me was how quickly I went there—how ingrained it is to think that my body, as it is right now, isn’t acceptable.
In “Joyous Body,” Estes doesn’t just talk about accepting our bodies. She talks about loving them. And she calls out the way our culture is obsessed with stripping women of their individuality in this relentless pursuit of a beauty standard that keeps shifting.
It’s eerie, isn’t it? The sameness of it all. The same noses, teeth, lips, jawlines, chins, brows. The same bodies. We’ve been so conditioned to see beauty in a certain way that people start looking like carbon copies of each other. And the moment you step outside the mold? People don’t know what to do with you.
I saw this firsthand when I stopped coloring my hair. Suddenly, people had opinions.
“Oh! You’re really doing that, huh?”
Like I was making some radical, rebellious decision rather than just… choosing to stop spending hours and hundreds of dollars every five weeks to maintain hair that was “acceptable.” These days, I mostly get compliments. Sure, there’s the occasional “Are you the grandmother?” moment from a well-meaning kid’s classmate. But my girls and I just laugh it off.
Because here’s the thing: I’m done waiting to live fully.
In WWRWTW, Estes writes:
“A woman cannot make a culture more aware by saying ‘Change.’ But she can change her own attitude toward herself, thereby causing devaluing projections to glance off. She does this by taking back her body. By not forsaking the joy of her natural body, by not purchasing the popular illusion that happiness is only bestowed on those of a certain configuration or age, by not waiting or holding back to do anything, and by taking back her real life, and living it full bore, all stops out.”
I don’t want to be a woman who spends her life waiting.
Waiting until she loses weight.
Waiting until she looks younger.
Waiting until she feels worthy.
So I’m reminding myself—and maybe you, too—that our real lives aren’t on hold. This is it. Right now. And we get to live it full bore, all stops out. It is time for some Body Love.
Bermuda, here I come.
A Love Letter to Our Bodies
No matter its size, shape, age, or how it looks in a swimsuit—your body is worthy of celebration. Here are just a few reasons why:
💛 It carries you through life. Every single day, your body gets you where you need to go.
💛 It lets you experience the world in all its richness. It has felt sunshine on its skin, the warmth of a hug, and the joy of laughter.
💛 It has healed. From sickness, heartbreak, injuries, and exhaustion—your body has carried you through.
💛 It lets you move. Whether you dance, stretch, run, or simply breathe deeply—it’s a gift.
💛 It has created, nurtured, or cared for others. Whether you’ve birthed children, raised them, loved them, or simply held space for another—your body has given so much.
💛 It holds your stories. Every line, scar, wrinkle, or stretch mark is a testament to a life well-lived.
💛 It adapts. Through every season of life, your body finds a way to adjust and keep going.
💛 It lets you experience pleasure. The taste of your favorite meal, the feeling of soft sheets, the rush of excitement—your body is the vessel for all of it.
💛 It is uniquely yours. No one else has lived in your skin, felt what you’ve felt, or walked the exact path you have.
💛 It is still here. No matter what you’ve been through, your body has stayed with you, showing up for you every single day.
So today, let’s celebrate what our bodies do instead of what they look like. Because we are so much more than a reflection in a mirror. 💫
BND Book Club: Style Therapy
As I work through March’s book of the month, Style Therapy, I’m realizing I haven’t just been dressing for convenience—I’ve been hiding. I put off caring about fashion, settling for easy and inexpensive clothes, thinking, I’ll invest when I lose the weight. In the meantime, I’ve covered myself in ill-fitting outfits and way too much black, trying to shrink myself from view. But this book is pushing me to ask: What if I stopped waiting? What if I let myself be seen—right now, as I am?
Want to explore this with me? Join the BND Book Club!